


Flashback

by queeertrek



Category: Star Trek, Star Trek: Alternate Original Series (Movies), Star Trek: The Original Series
Genre: M/M, Post-Star Trek: Into Darkness, Star Trek: AOS, Star Trek: Into Darkness, Star Trek: Into Darkness Spoilers
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-04-21
Updated: 2016-04-21
Packaged: 2018-06-03 13:39:08
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,090
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6612694
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/queeertrek/pseuds/queeertrek
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Leonard can't forget that he lost his best friend and lover, even if it was only for a few hours. The event haunts his nightmares, and sometimes his mind makes it worse than the actual event was. Thankfully, Jim is there to help him through.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Flashback

“Bones, it’s late. Get in bed.”

“I’m comin’, kid. I’m comin’.”

The doctor's muscles ache, fatigue heavy in his movements. The constant tiredness took its toll on him; at the end of the day, the only thing that's of comfort is Jim’s embrace. Leonard padded into the bedroom, slumping into bed next to Jim. Strong arms wrapped around Jim's warm frame; the thud-thud of his heart in the doctor's ear. The familiar scent of his cologne rubbed from Jim's skin to his.

“Computer, lights out” 

Jim mumbled the command, and they were left in relative darkness. Only the glow of the chronometer polluted the room. Leonard hummed, arms hugging the captain closer as his eyes closed. Between Jim’s warmth and his fatigue, the doctor was already slipping into unconsciousness.

“G’night Jim”   
“Sweet dreams, handsome.” 

A pause. A smile.

“I love you.”  
“I love you too.”

With tangled limbs, both men were soon safe in the arms of sleep. Soft snores came from them both; Jim was a bit louder, having flopped onto his back. A few hours passed, and Leonard had tucked himself into a ball, knees up close to his chest. His hands were clenched into fists, the sheets caught between his fingers. His tanned brow remained furrowed, eyes squeezed shut with his tension.

The doctor flinched, eyes flickering behind closed lids. At first, his dream was pleasant. The thoughts were of Jim, clear as day. He remembered their first I love you, and the sensation of Jim's lips on his. Time jumped backward to both of them at the Academy. They were bar hopping, and Leonard made sure Jim got home safe. His hand had been on the small of Jim's back, keeping him balanced as they walked to their dorm.

Then Leonard's skin went cold. The memories got darker. They didn’t feel real. Leonard shivered, chest tight as his head tried to bury itself in his pillow. _He didn't want to see this again._  
Jim was dead.

He was on the gurney in sickbay, lifeless and cold. Leonard could smell blood. The singed smell from the radiation wafted up to his nose. It burned. In that moment, he was frozen, unable to process what was in front of him. Leonard's gaze locked onto Jim's lifeless body, and his mouth was suddenly dry. His thoughts were moving too fast but also too slow, hands twitching by his sides.

_Leonard Horatio McCoy, do something._

Then he was barking orders at his staff. Leonard didn’t hear his words, but he saw nurses scramble and could feel himself moving as well. Christine was setting up an IV as he set a cordical stimulator on Jim’s temples. M’Benga was by his side, silent as he loaded a hypospray. In this memory, this nightmare, Leonard hadn’t considered Khan’s blood. The thought never came to him. And no matter how much he tried to scream the plan to himself, he didn’t listen.

_Seven millijules. Go._

Jim's body twitched, the cordical stimulator having no affect.  
He was still brain dead, heart still silent.  
The doctored ordered it to be done again.

And again.  
And again.

_No response, doctor. His body isn’t cooling down. He isn’t showing any brain activity.  
Leonard, you need to – _

“Keep trying.”

Leonard's hands were shaking as he reset his instruments. He yelled for one of the cryotubes to be prepared for the captain. If they could preserve his brain tissue and get oxygen to his cells…   
It was then Leonard was aware that he was scrambling. That didn't stop him from continuing the fight. He only stopped when M’Benga pulled him aside with an insistent hand. He ordered the nurses away. He apologized, voice soft as he told McCoy they had to accept the captain was gone.  
Leonard's eye burned with tears. Lips parted to speak, but no words came.

Jim was dead in his sickbay and Leonard couldn’t save him.

“Jim – Jim” he choked, eyes glued to his captain. Fear gripped at the doctor’s chest and squeezing the life out of him.

In bed, a similar whimpering could be heard; Jim’s name was on Leonard’s lips. He was making noises in his sleep. Soft whimpers were the only signs of his distress. Jim had rolled over, and the quiet sounds of his partner tugged him from his slumber. The doctors face was buried in his pillow, lips parted as he sucked in a breath.

“Jim – Jim no, I’ve gotta—”  
“Bones? Bones, I'm here.” 

Jim’s voice was quiet, hands soft on the doctor’s shoulders as he shook him. He recognized a nightmare, and it hadn’t been the first time the doctor had one. Jim was insistent, trying to wake Leonard with soft touches, lips not too far from the other man’s ear. 

“It’s a dream. Leo, it’s just a dream. I’m right here. Hear me? Right here.”

The captain’s lips were on Leonard’s forehead, and something in that contact wakes him. It’s sudden, jarring as the doctor tries to sit upright. His hands are shaking, searching for some part of Jim’s body to hold. To assure that he’s real, that the voice he heard and the kiss he felt were real. Leonard didn't even realize was crying at first. But then Jim was wiping tears off of his cheeks with a soft thumb , hushing him with every breath.

“’m sorry, I saw you – Jim, you were –“   
“Hush. I’m here, okay? Right here.”  
“… you're nice and warm.”

Leonard’s head ducked down, finding comfort in the warmth of Jim’s bare chest. The heartbeat he heard was steady and strong, thundering away like it should be. A calloused hand drifted up Jim’s side, feeling familiar scars, all where they belonged. Jim was whispering to him. Despite Leonard’s sniffling, he was smiling.

“You can’t get rid of me that easy, Leo. I’m not going anywhere.”  
“Y’better not. Don’t make me go chasin’ yer ass all th’time… I don’t wanna be here without you”  
“I – I don’t want to be without you either.”

Jim's hand cupped Leo's face, guiding their lips together. The blond urged McCoy onto his back, guiding a hand to rest on his chest, right over his heart. Its faint beating could be felt against Leonard’s fingertips. Limbs were once again tangled, doctor and captain sharing body heat. Eventually, the shaking in Leonard’s hands stopped. Leo's focus was on the taste of Jim’s tongue and the sensation of his scruff against the blond’s face. It was easy enough to get lost in the enigma that is Jim Kirk… and Leonard didn’t fight it.

**Author's Note:**

> Hi all! Yay for my first ever post on AO3! All feedback is appreciated <3


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